August 8, 2026 - I’ll Be Happy When…
You know it’s really interesting how as we age, our ideas of success and achievement change so much. Chasing our dreams, searching for our next level up, getting the bigger house, making more money, having not just the perfect job, but making a career. We maybe wanted to look a certain way, have all the friends, vacation in the best places and always looking to get to the next stages of life… like I can’t wait until we are out of the toddler stage, I can’t wait until these kids learn how to pick up after themselves… you catch my drift.
Somewhere along the way, I realized I was looking for my happy in things that could possibly be measured. And… not sure when, but I know for certain now, my own happy isn’t really anything that can measured at all. Not necessarily more, not bigger, not anything new, but deeper… just feel like my happy gets deeper. Anyone else feel like this?
Having two adult daughters, my thoughts daily go back to when they were little. So many of those days, I was focused on giving them what I thought a good like looked like. I wanted them to have opportunities, to make all the memories, protect them from any harm and give them all the things I thought they needed and deserved.
Looking back, I often found my happiness in watching them hit their own goals, accomplishing things they thought maybe they couldn’t do… and while I thought that my true happiness was watching them be successful, it was so much more about watching who they’ve become… and continue to be.
Alivia now happily married and building her own life as she pursues her DPT. Maci taking more steps into being an adult, serving the army and getting ready to head off to college. So bittersweet when you really think about it… I’ve spent years raising these girls… just so they could leave me. (Nope, not crying… okay, maybe a little!)
Motherhood is so weirdly strange, yet such this beautiful gift. We spend eighteen+ years teaching them to walk away from us… literally… and then one day we realize they’re doing exactly what we hoped they’d do. The feels are all over the place. We’re proud. We’re heartbroken. We’re proud again.
I know I’ll never remember every gift we’ve bought our girls. I won’t remember all the stuff we owned or thought we needed along the parenthood journey. I won’t remember all that we did or the days I felt we so perfectly planned out. BUT… I will remember their voices in the kitchen, playing cups on the counter, their singing in the shower. I’ll remember the messy house, the late night conversations, the night time bakery runs and so much quality time in the car to and from activities. I’ll always know their laughter, the times they needed me… the times they didn’t and most definitely the nights we were all under one roof. I’ll always know the feeling of hearing the door open and knowing one of our girls was/is home… and still loving that sound today. These are truly the times I I’ve considered so routine, just ordinary every day moments… these are the ones I now miss the most.
And then there’s the man of our house. I can’t imagine doing this parenting gig with anyone other than Lou. Six years of infertility and actively seeking treatments, you really learn a lot about each other. He truly feels like “Home” to me for so many reasons. He’s been through all the walks of life, so many hard seasons, and is still my #1 supporter… even dragging his feet at times.
We spend so much of our lives saying I’ll be happy when…
So for all the times we want to rush through the many stages… just chill... kick back, relax and soak it in. Quit saying I’ll be happy when… and just be happy! Life changes so fast… and keeps changing. All at once, we realize that happiness wasn’t what was waiting at the end of the next big thing… it’s been hiding inside the life we already have… a life of not necessarily more, not any bigger, not newer… a life just deeper… much, much deeper.
The older I get, the less interested I am in a life that looks impressive from the outside. I want a life that feels good… feels good from the inside. I want a kitchen full of people I love. I want my girls to FaceTime just because they thought of me. I want Louis beside me for the ordinary Saturdays and the extraordinary Tuesdays… and all the days in between. I want all the pictures… the ones that aren’t picture perfect because of the background, but the people in them are what mattered most. I want all the traditions… the ones that passed on and we don’t even realize it. I want laughter… insane, belly hurting laughter. I want stories we tell over and over… the kind that you are laughing about before you even start.
I want my girls to know that no matter how old they get, there will always be a place where they are my girls… no pressure, no expectations… just my girls where they are loved and they can still lay their head on my lap.
It’s time… time to no longer wait around for happiness to arrive and just recognize with each new day… happiness is already here… you may just need to look a little harder some days, but it’s there. It isn’t having everything you once dreamed about. Happiness is looking around at the life you actually have and realizing… this is the good stuff, the stuff I’ve been waiting for.
